The Power of ‘Self’ in Internal Family Systems therapy

IFS – Internal Family Systems - therapy consists of a therapeutic process by which people can get to know the concerns of the parts of themselves which are creating blocks in their lives or causing them significant emotional pain, and then heal them. For those who don’t know what a part is – in IFS the consciousness is seen as being composed of various parts or subpersonalities, each with its own perspective, its own interests and its own concerns or worries. It may be that our anxious or nervous parts, fearful or procrastinating parts which are causing problems in our lives, the roots of which are usually but not always in childhood. The ‘self’ plays a very significant role in this process both for both the therapist and the client.

During each session, the therapist takes the client through some, or perhaps all, of the Internal Family Systems process and the more access the therapist has to their own self-energy during the session, the better. Essentially, it is the job of the therapist to be in ‘self’ and to support the client to access their own self-energy, from which they can then get to know their parts. The more self-energy present in the room both in the therapist and the client, the more successful the session.   

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What is self? Self can be described as the core that lies within us, the aspect of who we are which cannot be damaged by our life experience, no matter how traumatic. It is the essence of us which remains unchanged throughout the course of our lives and some believe that this is the eternal part of us. The ‘self’ possesses qualities that make it the leader within the system (consciousness) of each and every one of us. If we have access to it, it is the conductor which leads the orchestra of our parts and, because of this, it is the key to our healing.

What are the qualities of self? Self is embodied by, as identified by Dick Schwartz, creator of the IFS model, curiosity, confidence, connectedness, creativity, clarity, courage, calm and compassion. When the therapist is in ‘self’, they will bring these qualities to the session, thereby creating the conditions in which healing for the part can take place. The therapist being in ‘self’ immediately brings about a healing energy that the client can often feel and this is, I am certain, something that many people who do this kind of work can provide, no matter which modality they use. Yet IFS goes a step further because it is a requirement, that the therapist actively steps back from even their own therapist, and other, parts in order to do the work. It is their job not only to access self-energy but to facilitate the client connecting with their own self-energy and it is from there that the client navigates their internal landscape and gets to know their parts. It is this energetic and for many, mysterious aspect of the work which identifies it as having a more spiritual quality than other therapeutic modalities.

Self-energy is healing energy, and when we, as clients, are assisted in accessing it, we are giving our parts the gift of understanding and validation for who they are and for the work that they do within our system. This is a strange concept to those who know nothing about IFS – that our parts work for us – but the part of us which procrastinates for example, usually holds deep concerns about what will happen if we actually do those things that it is preventing us from doing. The pain of our procrastinator part is, in the eyes of the part, less intense and dangerous than the pain of what would happen should it allow us to take the action that we want to take. The part may hold a fear of the unknown or it may be that when we were young and we took action the result was an emotional wound that we have been carrying ever since. The job of the part is to prevent us from ever making the same mistake.

It is so interesting to meet our parts, with their own fears and concerns and to bring self-energy to them. As I see it, the eight ‘c’s amount to our being open-hearted and loving towards our parts and it is even more interesting to see how our they respond. In fact, their reactions are not unlike individuals in our external world when we really listen to them and validate their worries and concerns - they relax, their defences soften, they allow to get closer and to go deeper. In our internal system, when self-energy is present and as our parts feel more confident in their relationship with us, they give us access to those parts that they are protecting, the more vulnerable parts, those that carry the intense pain of our emotional wounds.

It can be daunting going into any form of therapy and even the idea, for some of us, of going anywhere near the emotional pain that we know that we carry somewhere deep inside, can prevent us from ever seeing a therapist – that is the concern of the part of us which prevents us from doing it. Yet the IFS modality moves us away from accessing the pain via recounting our stories as part of the healing because it goes so much deeper. By accessing the parts which carry the pain, it is no longer the whole of us which is carrying it, it is just part of us and somehow this can be very calming for our system. As we step back from these parts, give them space to express themselves and bring self-energy to them, we can really listen to their stories and because of the effectiveness of the healing process that takes place, awe can actually help them. What is really fascinating is that when the part that experienced the event is speaking, they are specific, they tell you the most important aspects of it and what’s more, they tell you things about that experience that you didn’t know, even if you have a memory of the event. There is no longer the need to go through hours and hours of talking to find a significant nugget of therapeutic gold.

The healing power of ‘self’ is boundless in our lives and the more we attend to our parts, the more this connection with self grows and it becomes present in our daily lives which, for some, after only a few sessions, can feel calmer and more relaxed. When we can access those qualities that self holds – calm, courage, connectedness, clarity, creativity, confidence, curiosity and compassion, we can bring them to our parts in real time, not just within a session, and so it becomes an active resource which we can use to support us during the course of our daily lives. It is the key to our healing and for many people it brings the kind of peace that they have never before experienced.