Sitting with uncertainty

As the weeks of this lockdown trundle by there are days when I hardly think about Covid-19 and the far-reaching and profound effects it is having on us all in a myriad of ways but also on our future as people, as communities, as nations and as a world. I know that I keep saying it in one way or another, but life is feeling very uncertain for so many of us and sometimes, it is hard to draw our focus away from this uncertainty.

We don’t know what’s ahead. People who thought that their lifestyles were protected, their jobs secure, have found themselves without, and maybe for the first time. We have heard of celebrities who are selling their clothes on ebay to pay the mortgage, something that we aren’t usually privy to and if celebrities are not financially secure, then who is?

Human beings crave certainty as much as we crave other primary needs like food and sex and so we look for it everywhere in our lives as a matter of course. When we are in a situation where we cannot find certainty, then our brains perceive this as a threat. Living with a threat can be more damaging to our well-being than that threat actually taking place so there are a great many people living with enormous stressors at the moment – people who are wondering whether they will lose their jobs, their businesses, even their relationships, people who are wondering whether they will have enough to feed their families from the food bank this week. And this is here in the UK, in London, not in a developing country. An economically strong nation which is now going through an unexpected and indeed unimaginable situation and we have no idea where this journey will take us, as individuals, as communities, as nations and as a world. The World Health Organisation is trying to piece together how Covid-19 has swept through the world but many of the major players in the scientific community at the time have disappeared and the information is sketchy at best. We don’t know where this came from – more uncertainty. Our minds find all of this very difficult to process and some of us have resorted to conspiracy theories in order to find the certainty that are so desperately need in our lives. I am not saying that there is no truth whatsoever in these theories but when we are confronted by complex phenomena that we cannot decipher adequately, we tend to settle on, yes, you guessed it, certainty. A theory will help us feel certain and then we feel safe.

How can we cope with this kind of uncertainty, which is materially real for many of us and existentially present for the rest of us? We feel uneasy and we wonder, what will the future be like for us? Will we be okay? Will we avoid the ravages of Covid-19 completely before everyone is vaccinated and we are all safe again? Will we be safe when the vaccine was not made to protect us from the new variants that are springing up?

The truth is, we don’t know the answers to these questions. But we don’t really know the answer to anything which involves our future. We don’t know what life will bring us but there are ways in which we can help ourselves to navigate through these uncertain waters.

1. Practice acceptance

As with all things in our lives, if we resist them, they get worse and so this, as with all things, must be accepted. Acceptance is a powerful tool in our toolbox because it really is one of the things which will help in any difficult situation that you find yourself in. It is about embracing where you are, wholeheartedly, and making decisions from that point, without wishing that things were different. From the vantage point of acceptance you can see your present, without railing against it which paralyses us unnecessarily. By accepting things as they are, we do not look outside to find someone to blame, we simply sit with our emotions and can then better process them so that we can move forward in a positive and constructive way. It may not change things but it does empower us so that we can make the right decisions about what we should do now. We can’t ‘future-proof’ the future, but by accepting where we are right now, we can start moving in the right direction.

2. Prioritise yourself

I am a great believer in priortising yourself whenever possible, but at times of uncertainty this is even more important. When we don’t invest in ourselves by doing the things that are good for us, then we loose a sense of ourselves thus rendering us more incapable of withstanding the uncertainty that we are experiencing. There is a trick here because when we feel uncertain, we seem to stop doing the things that are good for us and reach for what is not going to help. For me this is overeating chocolate or ice-cream and binge-watching TV and although there is nothing wrong with these things, when we do this kind of thing instead of looking after our bodies, minds and spirits, then we lose. When we invest in our bodies, minds and spirits, we can enjoy those other activities without loosing anything whatsoever. As I’ve said before, sleep, rest, exercise, fresh air.. these are the things that sustain us as human beings. Practice extreme self-care and really start investing in your personal growth.

3. Create comfort

Feelings of uncertainty activate our dopamine system and we feel more temptation to stay up late, reach for the ice-cream, spend more time lying on the sofa and watching a season of something on Netflix and yes, this is all very comforting, but sadly it’s not the right kind of comfort. Our need for comfort is strong when we feel uncertain but it has to be directed in the right way so we need to create a healthy form of comfort for ourselves so that we are not tempted to stray towards our more destructive tendencies. It is at times like this that we benefit by investing in our daily routine of meditation, appreciation, inspirational reading and exercise but apart from this, make lists of what you enjoy doing and put it into place – do you enjoy lying in the bath by candlelight listening to your favourite playlist or taking an afternoon nap? One of the most comforting things is to get a lovely big hug from someone and, if you aren’t living alone during this time, then you could ask for one.

4. Laugh

I remember when I was young, long before I knew anything about personal growth, my father told me that there was a man who cured himself of cancer by watching comedy on TV. This struck me and so, whenever there are moments in my life that I find challenging, and this is one of those times, I reach for the comedy. The only thing that I binge watch on Netflix is comedy and it’s amazing. Whenever I am doing things around the house, and I am not listening to a podcast or a YouTube videos of something inspiring, I am listening to comedy in the background. I do this when I am cooking, cleaning and tidying the house and even when I am in the bath. I use sit-com as a lively, talkative companion who keeps me looking at the lighter side of life. If I need more, then I look at stand-up comedy on YouTube and that usually does the trick. Sharing this with others and making them laugh is also very satisfying and helps not just you but that other person too.

I use all of the above techniques to help myself stay away from the things I know won’t help me. There are more ways to help yourself and I will focus on these next week.

Remember, you are not alone.

hillybarker@gmail.com