The Voice That Won’t Stop-Understanding the overthinking / spiralling part

Overthinking / spiralling can be very painful and when it happens, we wish it would just stop. But what if that relentless mental chatter was actually a part of you that’s working hard, doing its job to keep you safe?

We all have patterns of behaviour that were set when we were very young, or even not so young, and changing these is not easy. In the world of IFS therapy, the parts that repeat these patterns are called Protectors and the overthinking part is one of them. It’s always worth repeating that, although it may not feel this way, all of our protector parts are doing everything they can to keep us safe. This is their job, their sole motivation. Also important to note is that this part, the voice of this part, isn’t who you truly are.

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Sometimes when we try to change things in our lives, we push against the (Protector) parts of us which are bringing those negative results. We decide that we simply aren’t going to do something anymore and we make that commitment. Usually this brings either poor, or temporary results. When we push the parts, the parts push back. We can see this when it comes to the parts of us that overeat.

Parts can only be controlled with willpower for a short period of time before they are in control again and with a vengeance. Parts cannot simply be shut down and so in the world of Internal Family Systems therapy, we don’t do anything that would remotely resemble this. Instead, we get curious and we listen so that we build a relationship with them that’s rooted in compassion, not control. Sometimes, we just sit with the part.

The important questions are, when it comes to all of our Protector parts;

· why is it part of us in the first place?

· what it’s trying to do?

and

· how we can begin to relate to it differently?

Overthinking isn’t the enemy

Overthinking often develops early in life, especially if you had to be hypervigilant to avoid getting hurt, criticized, or rejected. In IFS, we understand this as a Protector, a part that works hard to keep you from feeling the overwhelm or emotional pain that’s buried deeper.

The overthinking part believes if it just gets it right, if it can anticipate everything, then maybe, just maybe, you won’t get hurt. Its intentions are good. But the impact? Exhaustion. Anxiety. Paralysis.

What it needs isn’t fixing, it’s connection

Trying to “stop” overthinking usually backfires. The protector tightens its grip. It thinks you’re ignoring danger. Instead, what if you turned towards it with curiosity?

Try asking:

• What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t think so much?

• What are you trying to protect me from?

• What do you need from me right now?

You may be surprised at what it says.

From control to compassion

When this part feels seen, heard, and understood, it may begin to relax a little. Underneath it, there’s usually a younger part, an exile, that’s been carrying shame, fear, or grief. The overthinking Protector is working overtime to make sure that you never have to feel those feelings again. Inside you have a ‘Self’, a calm, curious, capable core which can connect with your Protector parts. You don’t have to push parts away or silence them. You can build trust with them. That is how true inner peace begins.

A gentle practice for the week: getting to know your Protector parts

When you notice yourself spiralling, pause, place your hands over the centre of your chest and breath deeply in and out and say inwardly:

“I’m noticing a part of me that’s trying hard to protect me by overthinking. I see you. I’m here with you.”

Notice whether the part, once it hears this, relaxes its grip slightly. It may, or it may not but no matter what it will have heard you and this is the beginning of your relationship with it.

This very simple act is your first step towards trust and towards inner peace.