Are your friends toxic?

I have spoken a great deal about how we bond with others and one of the things that I notice more and more through my life is that women have the tendency to bond over the complaining that we do and this can lead us to have toxic friendships or... horror... become toxic friends.

When I was in my early twenties, I was a toxic friend. I had no idea that this was the case but I was very very unhappy and the way I hid it from myself and others, was to adopt a cynical view of life which lead to my having a sarcastic sense of humour and to complain about life to those around me. It took me years to realise this and I paid the price. I was madly in love with someone who just wouldn't commit. Years later, he told me why. I was horrified and very sad because I had never let him see the person that I really was and this was my mistake. I had tried to protect myself from my own true feelings and become a different person because of it. It was a harsh lesson to learn.

If you think that you are a toxic friend, or you have one, then try to look a little more on the bright side or encourage your friend to do so. Over time you will identify what you are doing that can be changed and then, again, over time, your perspective will change. Try to look on the bright side of things more and express that you want to do that with those around you. Ask for their support if necessary or hire a coach to help you to look very closely at your current perspective so that you can start taking action to change it.

I am a great believer in reaching out for help. More on toxic relationships later...

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