How To Help Yourself Without Paying Thousands For Therapy - A Toolkit

Some days, parts of us rise up unexpectedly. It might be an anxious Part, a critical Part, or even a panicked Part that seems to take you over.  When this happens it can feel overwhelming, exhausting and even confusing. The good news is that there are ways to respond to these Parts of us that are activated with care, curiosity, and kindness. And that’s exactly what they need.

Below is a practical toolkit which provides ways to help yourself in the moment, organized by style. You can pick the strategies that feel most natural to you because they will help you the most.

Tip: It’s best to review these tools and decide on a couple to use before a part is activated and you’re feeling emotional. Practising them while calm helps you access them more easily when you need them most.

1. IFS / Internal Family Systems Therapy Style

These strategies focus on observing and interacting with your parts directly. They help you notice, witness and communicate with your activated parts so that you are not fully consumed by them. Witnessing and acknowledging a part without judgment creates space and calm. Over time, this practice helps you unblend and separate from parts that feel overwhelming, so they are no longer driving all your thoughts, feelings, or actions.

Tips:

Name What’s Happening / Witnessing

• Say:

‘I notice a Part that is feeling [angry, anxious, sad] is here right now.’

• If another Part steps in and is critical, add: ‘And another Parts is being critical of it.’

• Optional: Place hands on your chest and say:

‘I am safe” or ‘We are safe.’

Why it helps: Simply noticing and naming the Part creates a tiny space between you and the Part, allowing you to see its intentions or fears without reacting immediately. Acknowledgment, even by your own Self, can calm a Part’s intensity and reduce inner conflict.

Gently Thank the Parts

• Say:

‘I hear you. I know you’re trying to help in your own way.’

• Repeat:

‘This is a Part of me, not all of me.’

Ask Another Part to Step In

• Say:

‘Is there another Part of me who might be able to help right now?’

This might be a very rational part that can talk the activated Part down for example and recruits internal support and helps soothe the activated Part if Self-energy feels distant.

2. Somatic & Breath-Based Approaches

These strategies focus on the body and the nervous system. Activated emotions or Parts of us often feel intense because the nervous system is on high alert. Somatic grounding and breathing exercises help regulate your system, reduce tension and create a sense of safety in the body.

Tips:

Orient to Your Body/Senses

• Touch something cool or textured (stone, fabric).

• Name your experience: “I feel the floor beneath my feet. I am sitting in this chair.”

Focus on Slow Exhale

• Inhale gently.

• Let your breath fall slowly out of your mouth.

Voo Sound / Humming

• Sit or lie down. Inhale, then exhale with a slow “Voooooo” sound, letting it resonate in your chest and throat.

• Repeat 3–5 rounds. Humming is a quieter alternative.

Both stimulate the vagus nerve and release tension.

Gentle Somatic Grounding

• Orient: Look around, softly naming 5 things you see.

• Touch: One hand on chest, one on belly.

• Press into something solid: Feet into the floor, hands on thighs.

Box Breathing (4-4-4-4)

• Inhale for 4 counts

• Hold for 4 counts

• Exhale for 4 counts

• Hold for 4 counts

• Repeat 3–5 minutes while imagining a safe place or being held

4-7-8 Breathing

• Inhale for 4 counts

• Hold for 7 counts

• Exhale for 8 counts

• Repeat 3–5 minutes, imagining a sense of calm or being held

• This pattern signals safety to your nervous system and supports relaxation.

3. External / Creative Approaches

These strategies help you create distance from an activated Part, from feeling overly emotional  while still responding with care. They work particularly well if you like to see or express your internal experience in a tangible way. Externalizing your Parts can invite curiosity, compassion, and sometimes Self-energy, your inner calm and clarity into the interaction.

Tips:

Externalize With Kindness

• Write a few lines from the Part’s perspective in a notebook.

• Draw it as a creature, cloud, or symbol.

• External compassion often invites Self-energy and makes space for observation.

A gentle reminder: Parts arise/become activated because they care and want to protect you, even if their methods feel unhelpful. Treating them with curiosity, kindness, and patience is the first step toward creating space for your Self-energy. Witnessing, acknowledging, and giving attention to your Parts helps transform intensity into dialogue, overwhelm into understanding, and conflict into collaboration within yourself.

Remember, Parts are not your enemies, they are aspects of you that care deeply, even if their ways of showing up feel intense or confusing. Meeting them with patience, curiosity, and gentle boundaries allows you to transform overwhelm into understanding, and inner conflict into cooperation. Over time, these small acts of witnessing, grounding, and compassion help you strengthen your sense of Self which is a calm, steady presence that can hold and soothe every part of you. Be gentle with yourself as you practice; every step, no matter how small, is a meaningful move toward inner harmony and resilience.