Happiness Christmas!

Christmas is approaching…and we all want a happy Christmas. However we define it, happiness is what we all want.

It is no wonder that Howard C. Cutler & the Dalai Lama wrote an entire book on it, 'The Art of Happiness'. When they gave it this title, they really hit the nail on the head - being happy really is an art. Most of us are far too busy asking ourselves the wrong questions, questions that lead to unhappiness, hurt, feelings of inadequacy and self-torture. Some examples are, ‘Why didn't I get that job?’, ‘Why didn't he/she want me?’, ‘Why has my mate Bob got a yacht and I haven't?’ or ‘Why can't I have what I want?’

What stops us from getting what we want?

When you ask a question, even of yourself, you will get an answer. These questions might elicit positive answers like, 'I didn't get that job because there's a much better one which I'm going to get next week.' Yet how many of us can truthfully hold our hand up and say, 'That's exactly what I thought when it happened to me!' Mostly the answers to this type of question focus on the negative aspects of ourselves like, 'She didn't want me because I'm not wealthy enough, or good looking enough' and yes ladies, guys suffer from these insecurities too! So, having answered our own questions and found ourselves to be faulty, where do we go from there?

Our perception of ourselves makes a difference.

It is not our faults or imperfections that prevent us from getting what we want, though of course, we can choose to work directly on these. Yet we can work out, eat well and have excellent presentation, but even then the same things might come to mind. How many times have you heard yourself or those around you reject compliments about your/their good qualities or aspects of you/their appearance?

It is something to do with wrong perceptions - it's a strange thing but others can see our worth, our intrinsic value and our good qualities, far more clearly than we can. Our judgement is clouded and those clouds gather in the form of unhelpful thought patterns, such as the questions previously asked.

Changing thought patterns

Working on unhelpful patterns of thought and consciously formulating new creative ones is a real challenge. Whatever we focus on will grow: unhelpful thinking 'grows' unhappiness, so what kind of thinking grows happiness? and how can we achieve it?

In my experience, and that of those I have worked with, it is a training, or a retraining, and as with any art form, it requires discipline, commitment, perseverance and self-belief. Thoughts are not static, they possess a destructive/creative energy all their own. Our thoughts produce results in our lives, yet it is not the results so much that determine whether or not we are happy, but what we think about them!!

Create some happiness this Christmas!

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