Coping during Covid 19

Things have changed again this week and the concreteness of those changes is in the air as we move further into the pandemic that is Coronavirus. At least we are not going through this alone as other countries struggle, and some more than us.

As I sit in my home more cars are passing, more buses and the sound of peoples' voices, although it still travels, is interrupted by the sound of those vehicles that keep on passing. On my daily walk there are more and more people about and now that the sun is shinning almost every day again, there are more and more people lying out in the local green spaces that are dotted around my area. I live in the centre of London, as you know, so I am sure that unless you are living in a metropolis like this one, things are perhaps slightly less busy. Shops will be opening soon and international travelling will soon start again although Greece has decided that it will not open up to those countries which are not on their ‘white’ list, the UK being one of them. I wonder why they couldn’t have called it something other than a ‘white’ list when race is also top of the agenda for us all this week with the terrifying murder by a US policeman of George Floyd. Emotions are running high for lots of reasons. The human race is going through, and goes through on a daily basis, so much pain and right now there are a lot of reasons for which we can feel very unhappy. Each one of us has our own pain which relates to our own lives and its contents and most of this is hidden from the view of others. We human beings are a little like icebergs….

How can we make sense of all of this? Our capacity for this depends on so much and each one of us has different coping mechanisms which can protect us, or not, from what is going on. These can be anything from acting out to aggressively defending our position. These mechanisms are in place in order that we can keep going, keep getting up and showing up at work, so that we can keep being polite to those around us even though at times we may feel too unhappy not to want to scream when someone bumps into us on public transport or scowls at us for no reason when they hand us our change in the newsagent.

How to do we cope with these parts of ourselves when we are under pressure… and those parts of others when they or both of us are under pressure… and those parts when the whole household feels under pressure.

1. Take care of yourself – whatever that means to you…

Ensure that you double up your efforts to take care of yourself. Do whatever you need to feel good after you have done what you absolutely have to do whether it’s make breakfast for the children or do a day of work. Make sure that your day is punctuated by little things just for you. Even if it is playing candy crush in the toilet at work or at home, make sure that you do it. Make something nice for yourself to eat, run a bath and prop your laptop on a chair and some books to watch Netflix. Carve out time for yourself. That way, when the feelings of emotions rise, you have ensured that they rise as low as possible, rather than as high as possible.

2. Be super kind to you

Doing the above gives you time to shed a tear or two if that’s what you need to do.. or even bawl your eyes out. It’s all allowed. You are allowed to feel angry, disappointed, frustrated, unhappy and downright furious with the situation. Feel your feelings – bash a pillow to get rid of the anger, cry the tears of frustration, anger and disappointment. Allow yourself to be YOU. It is much better to do this instead of taking it out on those around us who are usually the people we love the most.

3. Don’t turn up to every argument that you are invited to

This is one of my all time favourites and it just means that if someone is picking a fight with you then step away. I spoke to someone when I was emotional the other day and they started having a go at me. I just left the conversation so that I didn’t get even more angry than they sounded… I saved us both hurt by doing so and the other party understood what had happened.

4. Talk about things – present and past

It really does help to talk to people, share how you are feeling. That way we always discover that they may be feeling the same way… things are getting emotional now. We have been told that we might be having family reunions soon and we feel we can’t wait. Tell your family how much you miss them, express your feelings and share them with those you love and who love you. This is one of the most bonding experiences and, when this is all over, you can share the memory of this, the togetherness that you felt in your pain as well as in the pleasure that you will feel once reunited. An old friend of mine said to me yesterday that he realized that one of the most important things in his life is the memories that he has of others and the stories that sit within his life experience. Make time to share the past as well as the present to maintain perspective.

Whatever you do, please remember, no matter what, the importance of reaching out to others when you need a little kindness, whether they are family or friends or professionals qualified in the field that you need help with, give yourself this act of being kind to yourself.

You are not alone.

hillybarker@gmail.com