Feeling negative?

Days feel like they are rolling one into another and on and on and the feeling of limbo is overtaking many of us. I have noticed that fewer and fewer people are posting things that make their friends laugh on Facebook and now it is one piece of news after another about the ills of the world. This is not a comfortable time and we are watching the death toll rise in other countries and in our own and the feeling of worry, the feeling of anxiety, can grip us when we least expect it. Some of us, including myself, have become more withdrawn from the people in our social network while others have never had such a vibrant social life with Zoom calls with friends, pub quizzes and the like. Having less to do brings more time to focus on others that we love. Things feel like they are not really moving on and life reminds us of that classic move, Groundhog Day. That was a funny movie but this most definitely does not feel funny. People in positions of authority have flouted the rules and either been reprimanded or lost their jobs and there is a lot of judgement around about how people are behaving with regard to the social distancing rules and how they are dealing with the crisis. Life feels difficult. When does washing one’s hair less because it’s good for it become failing to wash it at all because it feels like too much effort? How can we help ourselves with the feeling of limbo which causes anxiety, distress and uneasiness?

1. Remind yourself that although it feels like it right now, this is not forever and that you have got through difficult times before now. This is the same and, as before, you absolutely will come through this and you will sort out anything that needs to be sorted as soon as it can be sorted. Focus your mind and yourself on the things that you can do right now to make a change. Make your bed, clean the kitchen, do the ironing. Be as practical as possible in order to ground yourself within your space, within your life. Throw away some things that you no longer need, tidy a cupboard. Take things step by step. I am painting one door each week. I have eight and so I am almost done. It didn’t feel exhausting because I did one a week but I got it done. Sorted. Make a list of four things (only four so that you don’t get overwhelmed) and do them. No deadlines though because these are not goals. They are merely intentions. Keep all your intentions soft.

2. Fall back on the simple things like writing out statements of appreciation each day and add in some powerful affirmations like, ‘I am dealing with this time in an effective way with respect for my thoughts and emotions, I am kind to myself and others and this brings me peace.’ Remember to make these true and by this I mean do not make the feeling of these wildly different from your current feelings. If you are feeling really low, write one out that is reflective of the way you feel when you feel slightly better than you do right now, not completely different from the way you feel right now. Write out just one or two and repeat them time and again or write them out on a piece of paper in big bold letters.

3. Stay in the present moment. Anxiety is about the future so do what you can to stay in the present moment. This is the only place that you have any power. Do what you are doing slowly and consciously so that your mind does not wander either to memories or to potential future scenarios. We underestimate how much power we have in our now but imagine if you quietly and carefully give all your attention to each and every now of your life, how much more calm and serene you would feel. You would avoid thinking about regrets, old conflicts and negative situations or even the what ifs that this current situation is presenting us with. What if I get ill, what if I can’t see my family for another two months… these thoughts engender pain and worry despite their not being real. Focusing on the now helps us to focus on our lives in a neutral, non judgmental way. Single tasking is a good way of staying in the present. This means doing just one thing at a time and do it slowly so that you focus on it. My daughter often tells me to stop writing a text and having a conversation at the same time. Strangely, she is not the one doing this! Do not multitask. If your anxiety is high, commentate your day by saying aloud what you are doing, ‘Now I am washing up..’ for example. This is how I began staying in the present, many many years ago, and I have practiced it to anchor myself in the present when my mind gets the better of me ever since.

4. When you wake each morning, decide consciously what you want to focus on because when you wake up, your mind is not full of the clutter of the previous day (unless you went to sleep with everything that is negative at the forefront of your mind) and so this is the best time to set the tone of your day, to pre-pave it. This is the moment at which I ‘do’ my appreciation each day and when I sit quietly, getting in touch with myself and what I want to give to and receive from the world that day. This is a very useful thing to do because I don’t get swallowed up in the outside world by looking at the news and thereby avoid making myself anxious. Looking at something that disturbs your peace early in the day is counter productive and at this time it is better to have completely ‘news-free’ days. Gauge your response to the world that day and feed yourself news only if you are feeling up to it.

5. Feelings of anxiety can be averted using the breath. We are not conscious of our breathing, it is natural to us, and yet this simple thing is keeping us alert and alive. You can use your breath to help you to remain calm, no matter what situation you find yourself in. Take deep breaths throughout the day and, as with everything else, do it slowly. Box breathing is a very good method to assist with everything from anxiety to insomnia and I use this, as well as other breathing patterns, on a regular basis. Box breathing consists of breathing in for four counts and holding it for four, breathing out for four and holding the breath out for four counts. You can vary this to see what works for you but this is a very good start

No matter what strategy you employ to assist you in averting feelings of negativity at this time, remember always the importance of reaching out to those who can help whether they are family or friends or professionals qualified in the field that you need help with

hillybarker@gmail.com