How to protect ourselves from fear

As week three of this Coronavirus crisis progresses there are lots of different realities hitting us – some of us have friends of friends who are unwell with the virus and others have friends or relatives with it and some of us have already lost loved ones. Some of us have remained untouched in this way but are now finding that they are in financial hardship because they have suddenly become unemployed or our income streams have completely run dry. This is not an easy time to be self employed. All of us are experiencing a reality in which food has become one of the most important things in our lives in a way we have never experienced.

The harsh reality is that we are now being affected more severely by the virus in a myriad of ways and so we feel out of control, helpless, afraid, uncertain and, being separated from our families and friend, can also feel levels of isolation previously unexperienced. Anxiety rises and feelings of depression come over us. This is completely normal during a pandemic whether you have experienced such feelings before or not. Adapting to the sudden changes in our lives was challenging enough and we had hoped that this situation would not go on for too long and that the cost would not be too great but now that we are being more directly affected, we are suffering. Some of us are not sleeping well at all and others are indulging in destructive behaviours. Sadly, abuse in the home is on the rise.

How can we make sense of all this and how can we cope with these feelings of isolation, hardship, tiredness, despondency, anxiety and depression during this time. No matter whether your negative feelings are manageable or whether they are overwhelming, you can have some tools in your took kit to help. It may be that it is necessary to practice these things over time and the effects of the practice will help you, or it may be that doing it once or twice can alleviate the feelings so that you can do this on an ad hoc basis. If your feelings are strong then it is important to put things in place first thing in the morning and do them as a ritual. I am a great believer in rituals and having one’s own infrastructure so that in times of difficulty in our lives, we have something to fall back on.

Depending upon what approach to life you take, here are a few things that can help. If none of these work for you, then do contact me by email and I will find something specific for you which will help. Remember that even though the below may sound extremely simple and straightforward, that it is very often the simplest of things that help the most. Also remember that sounding straightforward and being ‘simple’ or easy to apply in one’s life are two different things. They may indeed be simple to do but we must actually do them in order for them to work.

1. Limit exposure to the media

During this time we absolutely must not read article after article on the virus. I know that it is tempting to immerse ourselves in the data in an attempt to gain understanding and knowledge that may protect us during this time but it is absolutely not the way to survive mentally and emotionally during this time. Keeping an eye on the news can be useful in case there are any updates about how we should behave and what we should or shouldn’t be doing but reading extensively is not a useful habit and so, with kindness and compassion for the side of you that feels the urge to read such material, put it aside and focus on something else. One of my favourite sayings is ‘what you focus on, grows’, so make sure that what you are focusing on makes you feel better rather than worse. Find a good book to read which has an interesting story, a funny book would be the best thing for you at this time. Take regular breaks from the news, such as not watching or listening to it for a couple of days. Monitor how things makes you feel and stop doing whatever makes you feel worse.

2. Practice extreme self-care

Extreme self care is something that we should all endeavour to practice throughout our lives and this will stand us in really good stead during this pandemic. Don’t worry if you have never done this before, one of the best times to start a new routine is during a personal crisis of some kind. It can ground you, especially if you do it at the beginning of each day. I know someone who started an intensive yoga practice during a divorce which has been maintained ever since, daily meditation practice that was put in place during a bereavement that provided a connection with the universe which not only helped the person to get through the initial period of shock and loss but which has been sustaining that person ever since. Eat a healthy diet full of as many green vegetables as you can find, boost your immune system with food and supplements, and get as much rest as possible even if you are not sleeping very well.

3. Breathe & exercise

There are so many ways in which you can help yourself during this time and breathing is one of them. Box breathing is very helpful for gaining calm when your emotions are out of control. Breathe in for four counts and hold for four counts. Breathe out for four counts and hold your breathe for four counts. This is a wonderful technique which can help you maintain or gain calm during periods of emotional stress. I would recommend doing it five times or until you feel calm. Please do some form of exercise, even if it is just walking around your flat. If you have an iPhone, then you can count your steps. Give yourself a goal of 2,000 steps for example. I love dancing, so that is something that I have put in place for myself on a daily basis. Remember to go on a daily walk or just put your head out of the window and take in the fresh air!

4. Reach out and let it out

We are bound to feel very emotional at times during this period and it is really important to reach out to others and talk about how you’re feeling. There are so many different feelings running through us at this time and if we keep them bottled up then they will develop within us and underpin and possibly undermine all that we are doing. Please reach out to someone to share how you are feeling so that you can let this part of you have a voice at this time. There is no shame in feeling low in any number of ways at this time – or at any other time – and having someone else to speak to, a kind friend or relative, is of utmost importance.

5. Distract yourself

One of the ways in which we can all disempower our negative emotions is by distracting ourselves from what is happening around us. Bringing your attention to just one thing is very helpful and interrupts the momentum of the negative emotion which is flowing through us. This is a wonderful thing to do because we can stop something short before it builds by distracting our minds with something else. A little like distracting an unhappy child by giving it a toy. Whatever it is you love doing, do that. If it is rock climbing and you can’t do that, then watch videos on youtube.com of people doing climbs that you would like to do one day. I love dancing Salsa and so when I am feeling as though my emotions are building, I put on a tune and dance a little. I automatically feel happier than I did.

Whatever you do, reach out for support if you need to and take really really good care of yourself.

hillybarker@gmail.com