Change and resilience

Some periods of our lives seem quite peaceful and then suddenly, as with what we have just been through, we undergo a period of change, where unexpected or unwanted events take over and we have to go with the flow. Just because we are out of lockdown at the moment and the sun is shining, it doesn't mean that we can forget about taking good care of ourselves, throwing caution to the wind and forgetting about the Coronavirus. This is certainly a time of change and it is important to evaluate how things have gone for us. Change that is unwelcome can make us feel out of control and as if we are not in charge of our own lives. At the moment ,many, many people are experiencing many different situations that are out of their control and they range from being cooped up at home working and dealing with home schooling and challenging family relationships to losing their livelihoods, their homes, their health or even those they love.

There is no way to protect oneself from some events in our lives and they can knock us down very hard, even small alterations to our lives that we have not chosen can do this and so we need to build a mind set of resilience. The most important thing to focus on is that we cannot necessarily change the things that happen to us but we can, always, decide on whether to approach them from a position of strength and turn from the problem towards the solution. This is easier said than done and indeed there is nothing that can be done if one has lost a loved one, only to grieve, but it is still necessary to access the support that you need in order to get through the trauma of loss. For everything else, there are solutions and there are strategies and these can be formulated so that you can, no matter what is happening, move forward in your life.

This takes resilience which is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, any adversity. It’s about what is called bouncing back. When you are under enormous pressure and stress the idea that you can ‘bounce back’ seem trite but there are ways in which you can build resilience during times of stress. There are only two approaches to any problem solving, one from the victim mindset and the other from creativity. Creativity is the golden key to mastering your life and once you realise this, you can approach life from this standpoint. More on this at a later date but for now, let’s look at the ways in which you can build resilience when you are going through challenging times in your life. Naturally, putting these into place as a practice for your life is important and helps you when challenging times come.

1. Knowing what you can and cannot control is important. This way, when you sit down to plan what you are doing next, you can put aside the things that you cannot do anything about and work on the things that can be tackled. At this point it is important to remember that if you cannot change what is happening, then wishing that it was different and focusing on the feeling of wishing that it was different just makes things harder to cope with. Pushing against anything emotionally is a sign that you are wanting to try to control what is happening so it’s important to accept the situation wholeheartedly, and then you have the power to do something about it.

2. Decide to live in the mindset of growth by using this situation as a learning tool. Reach out to people whom you know have undergone the same challenges and ask for help. Get someone to talk to and go through your plans with. Reach out to people you trust, don’t bear the problem alone

3. Make a plan and implement it. This means reflecting on where you are, deciding what you can and can’t do in this situation and then sitting down, possibly with someone that can support you, and talking through what has happened, what help you can get in any capacity which will assist you in the situation, making lists of what you can do and taking the necessary action steps towards easing the situation.

4. Take time to care for yourself. This is important all the time but most especially when you are undergoing a period of stress and it is at this time that this really counts. Don’t forget to do the things that help you to feel good in your life like taking a walk and looking at the sky, the trees, the leaves (if it’s not winter) and really appreciating it. Take long deep breaths which will oxygenate your body and give you more energy to tackle anything that needs doing. Get hugs from those around you, if there are people around you, and do some exercise when you can. There is a strong focus on yoga now because of its benefits but any exercise will help if yoga is not for you.

It is often during stressful times that we learn about ourselves and this can stand us in good stead for the rest of our lives if we use it in the right way. It can crush us completely if we don’t. I will talk more about mastery, creativity and resilience in the future. Remember to be kind to yourself at times of stress. Take things slowly and carefully.

The most important thing to remember is that you are not alone. You may feel alone when you are experiencing life challenges, but there are others who have undergone the same and they have come through them and are still going strong.

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