Ready for your valentine!

Everywhere I go I am reminded that Valentine’s Day is coming up, so this month it is no surprise that I am writing on the subject of relationships!

We are all related to someone!

Absolutely everyone has a relationship with someone, and that relationship can make us very happy or absolutely miserable, or both. Whatever kind of relationships we have, we are all affected by them in one way or another. Yet we are taught very little about how relationships work or what to do to get the most out of them. I am putting together a few thoughts on what is important in relationships each week in the hope they will be of interest to you!

It doesn’t have to be that one special person…

Many people look for one particular person to make them feel loved, a partner. Often people believe that once they have a partner they will feel happy, whereas in fact you are more likely to get a partner if you already feel happy!! It is not necessary to have a partner to feel happy, or even to feel loved. Love is much more available than it appears, we just have to know how to look for it!

Love is everywhere

The reason that a partner is not a necessity, especially the wrong partner, is that love is everywhere. It is available to all of us, all of the time, we just need to allow ourselves to feel it. It is possible to feel very deep love for all the people in our lives: parents, siblings, children and extended family. We can give and receive a great deal of love in our friendships too. It will all depend on the quality and kind of relationship you develop, and how much responsibility you take for creating it.

If you want to receive love, start giving it!

Loving begins with you, so it is down to you to do it. ‘To love’ is a verb, and like other verbs, it is a ‘doing’ word. Loving another person is active, and so is building a relationship. The same principles apply to building a relationship as building anything in our lives. It takes time, effort and energy as building a relationship is really about giving, not just receiving. In fact it is more about giving than receiving. It is a mistake to enter relationships to receive and that is why we must seek out other people who know how to give. That way, when we are both giving, there is a lot of receiving happening too!

Some of the most profound realisations about ourselves come through becoming aware of our patterns of relating and often we unwittingly choose to be close to people that really test us. All our relationships can teach us something if we let them.

More on relationships next week!

Remember, especially now.. you’re not alone!

hillybarker@gmail.com