Giving up and giving in and standing firm at the same time...

What used to feel like a right is now a privilege – no-one can travel easily anymore and holiday companies who have not had their holidays cancelled are being met with closed hotels and nightmarish hunts for alternatives. Staycations now feel much safer and we are lucky if we are able to plan these either. The good news is that we can link with another household and form a bubble now. I am not clear on the rules exactly but what a relief to know that we can actually meet with others now.

Life feels like it is slowly going in the opposite direction after the terrible shock that we all suffered with the sudden lockdown and it is so good to know that we will not be cooped up indefinitely. The end of this is hopefully coming at least until next winter when the weather gets colder and all our flu like symptoms can be attributed to Covid-19 and we all have to stay indoors once again. None of us really know what’s ahead but there have been more and more things to worry about during this difficult time. Anti-racism demonstrations have been happening across the country and the ensuing violence that characterises these events. It is a very unsettling time which is exacerbated by events in the US. It is a serious time and it is very difficult to give any real commentary on this as a white, middle class, middle aged woman but it is my responsibility to try to understand the issues that characterise the lives of others and I have taken that seriously.

This mood is sometimes agonising for all of us at the moment and sometimes there just isn’t any way to alleviate the feelings that we have about either our own experience or the experience of others that matter to us, and this is everyone. We are all one. I know that’s a controversial statement but it is the truth. We cannot hurt someone without hurting ourselves because as we can hurt someone, another person can hurt us and so it makes sense to behave in a fair way, to exercise our conscience in our dealings with others.

We cannot change the past but we can change the future, ours and also those of the people around us. It is time to step up to the challenge and the responsibility to look at the world and evaluate what kind of person you want to be, what your true and authentic values are and how you can live a truly congruent lifestyle.

Sometimes we have two things going on at the same time – the feeling of total complete overwhelm, something I have been feeling, and then the feeling that we must somehow stand up and be counted. This internal conflict can really take its toll on our mental and emotional wellbeing. This is why it’s important to give up and give in whilst not doing so at the same time. You feel exhausted, bewildered, overwhelmed, angry, indignant, horrified, shocked, depleted and it’s okay to give in, curl up, allow yourself to recharge. Take deep breaths outside, drink in wellbeing from any part of nature that you can find, a small park or even a lone tree can help, appreciate the expansiveness of the sky, the clouds, feel the sun on your face. Sleep, rest, breathe. Then, when you are ready, start looking at yourself, your life, your values, not in a critical way, a negative way, but appraise yourself and ask, can I take on a better perspective so that my thoughts, feelings and actions are congruent and something that I can truly be proud of. Ask yourself to have those painful conversations with others, not confrontations but conversations, where you slowly and carefully and most importantly respectfully challenge things that come up, no matter how much it hurts you and them to do so.

Change takes place slowly, regeneration takes place slowly. Do everything slowly. That way you have the chance to get things as right as you would like. Give in, give up and stand firm at the same time. It’s a very difficult time. As ever, be kind to yourself and others. And reach out to talk to others if you need to.

You are not alone.

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