Doing everything right but still feeling overwhelmed

Having gone through my morning routine with you, meditation, appreciation, inspirational reading and exercise, I know that you have the tools to start your day in the right way. Most of the time, this is enough to set us straight each day, if we can follow it and be consistent in our practice of it. Having an infrastructure really does mean that we have a sort of touchstone which, no matter how difficult life can be, we can go back to it each morning and connect with our deeper selves. This means that, most of the time, we are more aware, self-aware, during the course of the day and so we feel more in tune with who we are while we go about our daily business.

Yet there are certain times in our lives during which we still feel overwhelmed and the situation that we find ourselves in at the moment can easily be one of them. Here in the UK we have the Covid-19 variants rampaging through the nation and we continue to be on lockdown. This is putting a strain on all of us. Last weekend I overate substantially and my treats included two entire tubs of vegan ice cream. I sat searching the internet for the best ice cream maker for the rest of the weekend… I have a bad reaction to sugar and it is very noticeable – I feel restless, anxious and I can’t sleep when I eat it and in the days afterwards, I feel emotionally low. When do I do this, and why?

I do this when I am feeling overwhelmed in some way, by a situation I am in, by emotions and thoughts that trudge through my mind again and again. And this happens, we are all human, and there are times when no matter what we do, life just feels difficult. Of course, when we feel like this on the inside, our outer lives reflect it back to us in the form of bickering or arguing with our loved ones, situations that are normally easy to deal with, even such as taking out the rubbish, go badly – the bin bag splits and the rubbish goes everywhere… it’s all part of life when you’re feeling low.

At the moment the enormity of what the world is going through can feel very challenging and this is on a global, national, community and personal level. Naturally some of us are having an easier time than others but we can still feel overwhelmed by it. And that’s okay. We might get more upset than we normally do because of it, and that’s okay too.

What can we do to ease the tensions that we are currently feeling?

There are ways to help ourselves, always, we just have to know them, remember them and do them. I often find that once I am feeling down, a lot of the knowledge I have somehow evaporates and I get into a rut. It takes reminding myself of the things that can help. Here are some of those things:

1. Acknowledge how you feel

I am great at pretending that I am fine. I do my morning routine and I think. Yes, I am fine. But then life reflects back to me all kinds of things that are not ‘fine’ with me, and no, I am not fine. It can be tricky to pick out what we are really feeling from the sensations and emotions around feeling overwhelmed. I just feel full, like I can’t take it anymore, and the ‘it’ can be anything. It’s at this point when picking out and describing the individual feelings is really important. Or, you may just feel really sad, or really angry. If we ignore these signals then things get worse and this is when we reach for stimulants like alcohol, cigarettes or drugs - which for me, means sugar. It’s the worst thing for me and it’s the thing that I crave when I am not dealing with the emotions which are currently running me. After abusing myself in this way, I get more and more stuck and then it’s harder to gather myself together and find my way back to a peaceful emotional state. So, first thing to do, write down our feelings and remember, they don’t have to make sense even. Accept them for what they are when you put a name to them and just acknowledge them.

2. Stay away from the news and any toxic people in your life

It goes against what we have been taught – to look at current events and to pick up the phone when someone calls us. But you must, for your own self-preservation, stay away from anything and anyone that whips up more negative emotion in you.

3. Find a level of consistency and a mental touchstone

The morning routine is a form of consistency, but if this is just not hitting the spot, then put in more practices which give a routine to your day and most especially, get outside into the fresh air. It’s freezing outside at the moment - there is snow on the ground – but it’s important to get air into your lungs and move your body. Oxygenating our blood by doing so. Something which is even more important at the moment for all of us. Another way of creating consistency in your life is to think of a particular time which was of significance to you, a time, even just a moment, which felt stable. I have a moment in time which I go to on a regular basis, a mental touchstone, which give me a great sense of well-being. One of them is from about eight or nine years ago when I stood, my arms in the air, in the middle of a beach in Spain, in the sunshine, hearing the sound of the people enjoying themselves, the sound of the waves, the strength of my body. I go back to that moment and feel the feelings that I had. It is very sustaining and something that I can rely on to get in touch with myself. The more regularly I do it, the stronger the feeling of consistency I get. There is also the reminder that life has been good, life has felt easy, and it will do so again.

4. Get out into nature

Getting out into nature is a great way of freeing ourselves from mental and emotional angst. The rhythm of our stride and our breath. Walking, without speaking, and breathing through your nose will regulate your heartbeat and therefore release tension. This gives you a feeling of calm and stability. Walking in nature strengthens our bodies and there is evidence that chemicals emitted by plants, phytoncides, which are wood essential oils, strengthen our immune systems. So, nature is one of the keys to getting out of overwhelm. I know that it makes an enormous difference to me when I do it. I live in the centre of town, so this is not as often as I would like. I have been known to walk up to a tree on our road and just hug it! So do that if necessary. It feels amazing!

5. Talk to someone who loves you

Talking about how we feel with those who love and appreciate us can really make the difference. You may find, as I did this week, that the people I shared my feelings with, not just about the pandemic but also about eating all that ice cream and the consequence, were struggling in just the same way that I was and so we found solutions through our sharing. Needless to say, I felt better immediately.

Remember, you are not alone.

hillybarker@gmail.com