Suspend your judgement

At last we have had an announcement and some of us are going back to work now and others are staying at home during this very challenging time of the pandemic, we can be outside more and we can drive further from home. We are freer than we were and yet things feel more uncertain. We are being told to stay alert as if we can see the virus coming. There have been a lot of funny memes about what’s coming next but really, although the numbers are slightly lowered, nothing has really changed. The virus is still out there and we are now required to go back out into the world. Not all of us yet, but many of us.

There is a general feeling of fatigue now when it comes to the virus. Some people are angry that the government aren’t giving us a clear instruction as they did before when things were clear. As long as the R stays under 1, then the alert level will start dropping. This is in order that the NHS doesn’t get overwhelmed which is a sensible plan but it doesn’t give us a clear instruction. And now the judgement starts…

It was fine when all the park benches were cordoned off with tape. We couldn’t sit there. But now we can…. We can choose for ourselves again. Yesterday, I heard two people, both who have gardens, criticize a girl who was sitting on a bench in a park. I have listened to people criticizing others for meeting up with what they thought was more than one person outside their household. We have all had enough, we are all tired of the virus, tired of staying at home, tired of not seeing our loved ones, tired of not doing what we normally do, tired of doing what we normally do. Some people have been having pool parties with friends and family and others of us have been staying indoors and seeing no one. Within families there are people who are visiting with one another, and other members of their families are having a meltdown about it.. it’s a mess!

How can we cope with all of this? How can we suspend the judgement of others and let others do what they want to without feeling the need to get involved or be angry about it. Conflict will not help us or anyone else at this time. It never does, but it is even more important now not to fuel the flames of conflict either within oneself or between people and it is equally important not to bother to be affected by what others are doing, unless it affects you directly. Do not emotionalise things, do not dramatize things.

There are two aspects to this, one - having our noses in other people’s business ie gossiping, and two - judging others. These are two big no nos if you want to have a happy life. As you know, I am heavily invested in having the happiest life possible, so I do my best to refrain from those two but sometimes even I have to roll my eyes at what the people I know and love are getting up to and I am sure that they do the same about me!

One of the most important things to do at this time and ALL the time really, is not to be too harsh on yourself or on others. Usually we are others’ worst critics when we are our own worst critics and so it is important to keep in mind that we should take a kindly, an understanding approach to the things that we are doing or not doing ourselves and to the things that others are doing or not doing, so that we can avoid conflict and feel as peaceful as possible.

Very little feels for sure at the moment and people’s emotional temperatures can get very high for lots of reasons. Some of us are getting exhausted fulfilling our Zoom chats with family and friends and quiz night obligations! Take it slowly, get more rest, be kind to yourself and others, take each day as it comes, take each moment as it comes if you can.

Next week is mental health awareness week… the timing is very apt. Please remember, no matter what, the importance of reaching out to those who can help whether they are family or friends or professionals qualified in the field that you need help with is something that we should always make room for.

You are not alone.

hillybarker@gmail.com