Blame or emotional freedom..

So much of the work I do with clients is about looking at things from a different perspective. When things happen it is easy to lay blame on others. When a work colleague does something that irritates us, we say that that person has made us feel that way and we blame them for our low mood. So much of the time people blame someone else for their state of mind and of course what other people do affects us, but is in fact, only if we allow it.

Looking at things from a new angle can help us to view a situation from a more empowering standpoint and enable us to take control of our thoughts and feelings rather than allowing them to determined by others. Taking control of our emotional lives, and deciding how we will respond rather than having knee jerk reactions to things, means that we then don’t blame others or situations for our feelings. This is supported by the fact that people will respond to things in different ways, according to our own emotional make up.

Feelings may be triggered by things that others do or say, but we respond differently. If we lack confidence then what someone says or does will affect us in a way that it won’t affect someone who does have confidence. Each of us ‘receive’ information differently and therefore respond differently. A ‘dig’ from someone will be heard by one person and not heard by another. No matter what though, it is very liberating to know that we can decide how to feel and think and by doing so, we can take more responsibility for ourselves and lives.

There is so much freedom in taking full responsibility for our own emotional lives and I will look at this more closely at some point. A less emotionally responsive life means that we can experience a form of independence from others that prevents bad feeling building up between us and them. And the less bad feeling or secret resentment perhaps, on one side means that there is less confusion and bad feeling from the other and the communications are clearer and more honest, more straightforward.

This way of doing things allows for a form of independence rather than dependence and blame.

You are not alone.

hillybarker@gmail.com